ONE

2006-02-23T05:09:00.000+08:00

am i fickle or what.

http://vivala-fiesta.livejournal.com

2006-02-06T22:54:00.000+08:00

the title doesn't work.

saw another rainbow today. again.

felt a lot happier after seeing the rainbow. told cherry sit then she was like YOU NEVER TELL ME. haha. i'm beginning to like the rest of 3o3 much better now. they're actually really nice people. including dujing. she is AO AMUSING. she just NODS off the to sleep. literally. and she falls asleep in class. as in on her table. yiting is starting to actually talk to me. as in. haha. eehui, wanhui, rouhui, all the niners are really nice. then there's jiajun and cheryl... fransisca, yingting, tianyu and all. but i want 2o7 back. not the whole of 2o7. somehow the people in my class from 2o7 have really changed. they've become so different. but i kinda expected it. what can i do about it.

i love nysc, and this comes from the bottom of my heart. i really wanna be frank, and although the passion for nymd and nysc are supposed to be equal, i dunno what happened to my feeling for nymd. i suppose i have to slowly build it up again. i dunno whether it's fear, admiration, or just pure passion that my feeling for council is like surging up. it just feels right going to the council room. when there's a morning or a recess without a council meeting it feels wrong. like maybe there IS a meeting but i just forgot. other than the fear of being late and getting scolded for low quality work, council so far has been a wonderful experience for me. but i'll be trying to work on the nymd one. especially with the juniors coming in.

ptm was really... unexpected today. our batch got a lil emotional. and bertilla looked very very very stressed. i think she lost her hairband that's why. but i think exco and xiaowen and rachel did a great job in organizing it. yay. i liked the food. oh yes! batch o7' be careful when walking down the steps on monday kay! especially you sockss! and remember to bring the stuff yea? ((:

13 days to invest.

Corrinne May- Save Me

I drift, I burn, I fly
When you sing lullabies
I'm helpless, I'm yearning
I'm like the putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry
When you take me on a roller coaster ride
You see me through and through
You see just who I am
Just take my hand and

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that I
was falling from the sky
At 90 miles an hour
I was bound to crash and die
But out of nowhere you came and rescued me
There must be some grace in the touch of your face
I'm so happy that I've found you
I'm no longer afraid

Oh ' cause you
Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before i met you
Life was slow-mo
So slow-mo
I thought I had it figured out
But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows you've come to

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you

2006-02-05T19:27:00.000+08:00

saw a rainbow today.

faint but really pretty. my sister spotted it. she always does and it wonders me cos she has really bad eyesight she can't see the notices on the board or the subtitles on the tv screen without her specs. i guess it's just telling me that if there's a will, there's a way. she loves rainbows. (and when watching tv when she wants to see the actress' name or the title of the song to download she ALWAYS can. maybe cos she recognizes chinese as well.) yea. she always has this positive outlook on life. so i'll try and learn from her. for a start, i have a sticker of winnie the pooh and piglet studying on my table. (: if that really makes a difference.

but obviously my life cannot be planned cos i never follow it.

i told you my (younger) sis is a brat in her ugly specs. shooing me off the com AGAIN. and she scratched me today. sniff. and SHE STILL DEMANDED A PRINGLE FROM ME.

okay that tatter tale has told my mum. seeya.

-I'M EATING KUMQUAT YUNNING.

let's see if a title works.

2006-02-05T11:16:00.000+08:00

blogger's down at the moment. as in i can't get to my own blog. hmmm.

planned to wake up at 9am this morning which obviously didn't work. so i guess i have to rush my:
-math homework (which i don't have a single idea about)
-studying for biology
-copying out my chinese
-shimin and bertilla's letters.

there. and i have absolutely no idea on how to draw reflection and refraction rays. xue's gonna teach me sometime soon i hope. my physics is really struggling. sigh. you know shimin and bertilla can really write letters. it's so amazing how they juggle their time. with homework, tests, council, cca and letters. i shall have to learn. i really really admire and respect my council seniors. it's just the fear that comes with it. but it's a personal feeling. maybe trying to instill fear into us is their way of "motivating" us.

yesterday was such a depressing day. hope today is different but i don't think it is. maybe it's just ME. damn.

ohwell i don't have anything much to say now. if kerri ever sees this, good luck kay my china babe!

2006-02-04T20:51:00.000+08:00

i'm back.

hopefully i'll try to maintain this with all the other committements in my life. i'm not trying to attract attention or anything but i'm really depressed. but i guess no one understands. sounds so angsty and cliched but it's true. it's like there's really no one i can trust now. no one to confide in. and kerri going away doesn't really make it any better.

TO KERRI: you really rock babe. you were there when times were tough and rough. but now you're gone. but you'll email me right? positive kerri forever!

my sister is a brat in ugly specs.

the more i read the more my heart hurts. i'm sure she doesn't understand but i know it'll never be the same. i wish you were here kerri.

sometimes people fail to understand others. especially me. both ways. i fail to understand others. and others fail to understand me. me and my false front. especially at dance. i try to act all positive and all. like HAHAHA HAPPY HYPER MARIANNE. but really it doesn't work anymore. my passion was growing towards council. but the fear is more of extinguishing it than igniting it. i've developed a fear towards every single one of them. even sharon. she used to be my IDOL. INSPIRATION. i dunno what happened.

confessions of a broken heart.
i want her back. actually there are 2 hers. but both are equally as impossible. and the bond between them is so strong which makes me feel so much worse. i really really wanna do sth that will impact my life for the only 2 years i have left with her. but somehow she doesn't think that way anymore. i think it's my fault. i never appreciated the chances i had. and i really don't have the courage to approach her anymore. cos i'm quite positive of the answer. she's treating me as though i'm not there. like i just vanished into thin air. she has the right to i'm sure. but it's just hurting me. and i'm sure it's going to continue to until she tells me POINT BLANK. i really dunno what to do. what's the use of breaking down? yet i really don't wanna give her up.

"i wanna hold on but it hurts so bad. but i can't keep something that i never had."
i know you're hearing this. you're just not responding. don't worry i understand. i told you to give me time. i hope that promise still stands. because if it does then i'm very much looking forward to it. i know i will never ever be able to take her place. but i just wanna try being there for you. being there for you when you need comfort. when you need a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to let it all out with you. if the chance still stands, please tell me.

broke down at dance today. really totally broke down. haven't cried so badly in ages. it all started with someone mentioning the fall. then all the stress bottled up inside of me just POOF. like. council, dance, studies, family, LIFE. in general. i'm still attempting to find someone i can confide in. i used to have her. but yea. the closest person i have now is xue. who is apparantly suffering from . i dunno what you wanna call it. not trusting anyone anymore. inability to confide in anyone. i guess we're both fearing the gossips. thanks to: estelle, vanessa and xue for comforting me in the toilet. it's ironic how they keep on talking about support and all. and then if someone goes missing they don't even realize it. or someone goes oh i think i heard someone cry. okay. then BYE. i don't want attention seriously espeically when it's very "unglam" looking. like people noticing you because you're crying. but i dunno. did that one hour plus "conversation" actually sink in to us? thanks to miss yeo as well for her concern. she's really played a very great role in my life during the period of the production. all the bitching and all put aside, miss yeo is a really really really wonderful teacher. she puts in her whole heart into making the production successful when she herself really has alot of problems. just like everyone else, she has a FAMILY. and she's the camp commandant for the sec 4 lifeskills camp but she specially put that aside just for the production. and today she could tell i broke down. and just comforted me. very sincerely. thank you sososososo much miss yeo. ((:

to JOANNE: thanks so much for the sms. meant alot especially when i was down in the pits. thank you for caring. (:

life in school is really different now. in class it's rather clickish. at dance it's just depressing. got "scolded" by sharon today for wasting some stuff. sigh. council is fear fear and just more fear. but i really cannot do anything about it. i just hope that batch o6' will really take the effort to become bonded. i will try my best to settle my differences. i hope everyone thinks the same way as me. may batch o6' become ONE WHOLE.

people in my life are starting to act very very differently. it's like she's distancing herself from me. on purpose. i dunno what she's thinking and all but really. i don't wanna think too much anymore.

i really sincerely hope the chance still stands. and this time i'm very sure it'll work. if you still trust me. please.